if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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