I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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