he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
