can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
