Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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