I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
