does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
