Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I believe in your delicious
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
