It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
