rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
