but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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