i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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