All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
