When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
