Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
