yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
