Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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