he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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