Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
