So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
