i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
