No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
