Moan for me like Helen Keller
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
