There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How's work?
Spinning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
