but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
