Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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