ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
