it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
