that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
