I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
