Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
