STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
