I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
