every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
