i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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