you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
