Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
