He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
