The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
