Its about making memories worth repressing
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
be right there i have to get my cape
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
