As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
