chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
