Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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