I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
