i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im six kinds of drunk right now
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
