the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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