hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
