update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
