I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
