she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
