They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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