You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
