i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
