If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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