i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
