Little spoons don't ask big questions
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Randomize
