Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
